If, like me, you're not able to make it to England this Christmas, you'll be missing the jokes that fall out of the crackers along with the paper hat.
So that you don't feel too left out, here (according to one national newspaper) are the top ten best / worst Christmas cracker jokes.
1. What is Santa's favourite pizza?
One that's deep pan, crisp and even.
2. On which side do chickens have the most feathers?
The outside.
3. What kind of paper likes music?
(W)rapping paper.
4. What's white and goes up?
A confused snowflake.
5. What do you call a woman who stands between two goal posts?
Annette.
6. Did you hear about the man who bought a paper shop?
It blew away.
7. What's furry and minty?
A polo bear.
8. How do snowmen get around?
They ride an icicle.
9. Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy.
10. What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert?
Lost.
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